Monday, June 4, 2012

'Bachelorette': Goodbye Charlotte, hello narcissism

Boy, it’s a good thing ABC moved production of “The Bachelorette” to Charlotte this season. The flight to Bermuda is a lot shorter from CLT than it is from LAX.

After what seemed to amount to a couple of nights in Emily Maynard’s hometown, where producers agreed to set up shop to accommodate their new star’s desire to minimize disruption in her 6-year-old daughter’s life, host Chris Harrison gleefully tells the 13 remaining bachelors at the beginning of Monday night’s episode: “Pack your bags because you’ll be leaving this mansion forever!”

 “Emily has already left Charlotte,” he says, and is playing croquet, flying kites and spinning around on a hilltop in paradise with Ricki, having what appears to be much more fun than she’s had with any of her suitors.

This week involves three dates:

• A one-on-one date with Doug in which they go boutique shopping, sample cakes, try perfumes, making us wonder whether he is the perfect boyfriend or a gigantic sycophant. At dinner, he tells Emily his greatest flaws are that he spends too much time with his son and won’t wash her car very often, so we are leaning heavily toward the latter. He gets a rose anyway.

• A group date involving Arie, Jef, Kalon and Ryan, who narrowly defeat Charlie, Chris, Sean and Travis in a urinating contest disguised as a sailboat race. Arie gets to make out on the beach with her, Jef doesn’t, Kalon must have articulated nothing of interest at all in Bermuda because he gets almost zero screen time, Ryan gets his share of screen time and then some while babbling platitudes about depth and good timing and communication skills (in speeches that lead us to believe he has none of the above). Emily gives Jef the rose, perhaps to keep Arie from getting too big a head.

• A two-on-one date involving a guy whose nickname is “Wolf” and a kid named Nate. Neither do much that’s memorable beyond turning their noses up at quinoa, then Emily flips a mental coin and sends Nate on his way.

The biggest trend emerging is that apparently crying is a bad omen. Charlie cries in the van on the way back to the hotel after his team’s loss (my mind reels as it tries to comprehend why); he does not get a rose and is sent home. Nate cries while telling Emily about his awesome brother (why his bro is awesome isn’t clear); he does not get a rose and is sent home. Michael cries after he is eliminated, although maybe it’s just because his ponytail is too tight.

Meanwhile, Chris – who has a superiority complex because he’s the most mature 25-year-old on the planet – gets annoyed at Doug. Doug – who has a superiority complex because he’s the only dad in the group – gets annoyed with Arie. Arie – who has a superiority complex because he’s fairly level-headed and most of the other guys are toolbags – gets annoyed at Ryan. And Ryan … well, Ryan has a superiority complex, too. Titanic-sized one. But see, he's just doing his due diligence. As he does his due diligence, Ryan says things like “I personally feel like God has blessed me in a lot of ways. I’m romantic, I’m athletic and a charming guy, all those things.”

And “I guess guys do see me at the head of the pack, a guy they have to beat out. Sometimes actually I feel sorry for them.” And “I’m a good catch, and I think that other guys see that.”

Next week, the group heads to London, where Emily gets angry at someone and tells them to “Get the ---- out.” Please, please, PLEASE let it be Ryan.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Emily, "I just hate to see men compete." Really Emily? Is that why you were dating a NASCAR driver?

Anonymous said...

You are spot on Theoden, and you made me laugh too!

Unknown said...

Does anyone find Emily just a little BORING?? zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Anonymous said...

Boring!!! That is to say it mildly. They are so immature
and Emily included. A grown man with a son cries because he misses him so much and she sends him home. Who wants to watch a program when four out of five are crying.
I still think she is involved with Chris. They were seen on Dancing with the Stars sitting together. He left his wife and two children and ask for privacy during this
time.

Anonymous said...

Emily brings back life to real meaning of a "Bottle Blonde"

Anonymous said...

Well ABC got out of Charlotte quick. I guess I misunderstood the original comments, before taping started, that Emily told ABC she'd do the show if it was shot in Charlotte so she could be home with her daughter. So how long was the shooting in Charlotte...3 weeks, maybe 4? Aside from the footage at the rented mansion and a couple portions of video bio clips, not much else seemed to be shot in Charlotte other than climbing up the side of a museum, and a private concert at a smaller concert hall/bar. Did I miss something? I was hoping several areas of Charlotte were going to more footage. What is thrilling about watching a jet take off from Concord Reginald Airport to take people to other states or island countries for dates?

Anonymous said...

Sorry...auto speller got me. Concord REGIONAL airport was what I intended to say.

Amber said...

Funny blog...Bachelorette(and pretty much all "reality" shows) = me gagging. :)

Anonymous said...

Emily = golddigger who got prego because she knew Ricky was planning to break it off with her.... Sorry - if you put yourself out there in the public eye secrets are going to be revealed that you may not want people to know. fake boobs, fake smile, fake "love story" and fake heartbreak.

Anonymous said...

Emily has been spoiled by her ex-lover's rich family because she's the mother of his child. She uses the child (who looks like the father's family) as a crutch to get her a man (poor fellow.) She isn't very intelligent on her own. This is the most boring of all the shows I've seen.

Anonymous said...

She does not have "baggage" but she does have a "meal ticket"

Anonymous said...

she comes from money...she doesnt need hendricks money!! Her father is very successful!

Anonymous said...

This show is such trash and anyone that would go on it frankly is as well. That's my two cents!

Anonymous said...

You do realize her parents are filthy loaded? Places everywhere including Key West where she met Ricky? idiot.

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2012/04/02/3145364/island-style.html

Anonymous said...

I only started watching it because it was supposed to be in Charlotte. I loved the scenes in Charlotte, but too few. And, now they're gone. Love the scenery in Bermuda, etc. But, since I've never been beautiful, I watch with my mouth agape at the guys fawning all over Emily. I think she's real sweet, but calling those guys, "my boys"....ooooh, that hurts my ears.